I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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