Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
