I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
