will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
