I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
