Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
