I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
