i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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