dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My feet surprised me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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