i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
