...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
