I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize