My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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