I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
