my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize