Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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