My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
