Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
