were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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