I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
