I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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