i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
