we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
