Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
