quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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