My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
