You're my little dorito
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
