From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
