i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
