She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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