Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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