K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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