Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
