WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
