4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You may now shotgun with the bride
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
