I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
