u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize