You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Are we still banned from the library?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
