"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
