at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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