She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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