Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize