Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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