So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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