He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This is not my ceiling
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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