wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize