If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize