I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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