I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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