Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
