I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
