I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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