I hate all girls vehemently.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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