Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
