you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
