You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
