she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
look no pants
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
