"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
