she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize