spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
