I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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