Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
