But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
