Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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