I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
