you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
